God

By Rianne Lim

Archie & I have agreed since day 1 that the standard for which we are going to lead and coach couples who are about to be married, are newly married, or are married for a long time already is the Word of God (period). It is true that our testimony or love story can also be of big help to others, but if it becomes the central message and the main story in our coaching sessions, I think there has to be some checking and balancing that should be done there. It can also get to a point wherein it becomes the standard you impart to or teach others, and if they don’t meet your criteria or the standards or practices that you uphold, God only knows what thoughts you have in your heart.

For me and my husband, every love story and marriage blessed by God is wonderful and beautiful… truly beautiful! Whenever we drive home coming from a wedding (which by the way feels like we have one going every week!), we can only speak in awe about what we just witnessed that day—a beautifully written, Christ-centered union. And we stand amazed on how God never runs out of ideas on how to uniquely give each story its own twists and highlights. Some probably got engaged after just 2 months of dating, some may have fully enjoyed years of dating and only after a while decided to pursue marriage, some even have longer engagement season than their actual dating season, some also may have been disengaged first before they finally got engaged to the person God has prepared for them, some may have been pursued for marriage in their early 20’s or mid 40’s. Nonetheless, each story is a masterpiece, well thought of and wholeheartedly written by God himself!

Let me get this straight, I am not, in any way, saying that you can go ahead and deliberately commit mistakes, after all God can repair it later. What I am saying here is that the moment one heeds to the standard of God in their lives at any given season, no matter how different and unique each story is to another, it is still part of the beautiful story God has perfectly written so that His glory may be known through their union! To look down on one love story and esteem yours is a mockery towards God, for He is the author of not just your story but theirs as well.

Why coaching with your story as the HIDDEN standard is unhealthy:

You will never depend on the Holy Spirit as you lead the couple in their pursuit for a Christ-centered marriage.
You will less likely be sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit as you minister to the couple.
You will panic when the story of the couple is totally out of your league. And may end up hurting them instead of inspiring and helping them.
Your pride grows and you forget that your story is still by God’s grace alone.
When you find someone who has a “better” love story than yours, you pout and frown.
You sow unnecessary seeds of insecurities and ungratefulness to the couple you are coaching.
You can altogether dismiss a couple when they come to you not with your ideal story or standards, but with an honest heart that says, “We had a bad start. Can you help us honor God in this?” and you go on thinking “We told you so,” “See?”
When you are a couple who has been tragically planted with seeds of insecurities and ungratefulness by people around you, you will forever remain silent about God’s story in your life and would only choose a handful of people to whom you want to share it with.
You may be pushed to a point of convincing yourself that your added make-believe highlights and twists to the already complete and perfect story God has written for you is genius and inspiring. Thereby living a lie for the rest of your life.
You will be hindered to celebrate other people’s stories on how God has been good and gracious in their love story.

And the list goes on…

I am glad you love your love story, it is actually a good thing. But I hope it doesn’t become a stumbling block to you and to the people around you, instead may it become a story that would keep on reminding you how good and faithful your God is, and how undeserving you are, but still….

Here’s to more weddings in the coming days, weeks, and months! And may you never be surprised to see tears brimming my eyes as the bride walks down the aisle (even if she’s completely unrelated to me!) in every Christian wedding I will be in.

The issue is real. As evidenced by the thousands of tears and fears caused by insecurities in an individual’s identity, this is perhaps an area found most vulnerable by the unforgiving world. The world glitters and ‘shutters’. Ask a Christian if things like these matter and they adamantly stutter. Identity.

Every time this identity whirlwind comes in, two questions pop in mind:

What Defines Who?

Who Defines What?

1 Samuel 16:7

But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

God’s lesson for the prophet: It does not matter whether you’re stout and pout or lean and slim as long as your heart is trimmed for him.

This is perhaps one of the most potent arsenal of the devil— To bomb us with lies that tells us we are misfits simply because we are not like those people we like and we do not have what those people we like have.

Truth: What I have in this world and what I do not have in this world do not define who I am in this world, because I am not of this world in the first place. Last time I checked, my citizenship is in heaven (Phil. 3).

What defines who? God’s Word defines who I am. God’s Word sets the course of my life. My trajectory is calculated and certain and I know where I will land.

Psalm 139:13-16

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Highlight two things: Intricately and Intimately

Factory garments are mass produced. They are all similar.

Hand knitted garments are singly produced. They are different.

Of the billions of people in the world, we get to have our own finger print. No carbon copies! It’s all because we’re knitted personally and individually. Think: I got in me the smudges of my weaver!

What does that tell me? It tells me that I am not a lump of cell that gradually metamorphosed to become who I am today. I’ve been woven thoughtfully. God has intricately designed us for us to perceive that he intends to be intimately involved in us.

Who defines what? Because I am intricately and intimately woven, my identity rests on my weaver. My weaver defines me.

Tag: God

To each HIS own

What Defines Who & Who Defines What