What I’ve learned from three years of marriage…


When Beauty’s Beast turned to become a handsome prince it does not suggest prince charming lost all the beastliness in him. Understand that If a chapter or two were added to their story after the royal wedding, that cartoon would not gross. Thus, it’s always for the best to end every fairy tale story in a line that says, “and they lived happily ever after.”

In his book  I, Isaac Take thee, Rebekah, Ravi Zacharias funnels down marriage in one conclusion: Be willing to die to yourself.

True indeed.

After bullying the groom in every stag party I’ve attended, I always give my shot of advice on marriage relationship (Just my shot from almost three years of experience so it can be warranted or not). I always tell the groom to out give his future wife.

My wife and I found this really true in our marriage. It has served us well the past years and we know it would always be. When I say out give I’m talking about selflessness. Just this morning, my wife asked me to open the Christmas stuffers she bought for me. It’s not yet Christmas but she finds joy in seeing me so happy. I haven’t prepared one for her yet but she does not care. Please note that when I say out giving I am not pertaining to material gifts though that is an important part of it. Out giving is more than just giving out something like time, money, food, etc. When we talk about out giving it means out giving my partner with sacrifice, love, forgiveness, time and some more things in a sincerest and conscious manner. While I’m typing this my wife is asking me some questions. Out giving here means to stop typing and listen and answer courteously.

I raise my hand and bow my head in shame and admit that a couple of times I never got to say sorry to my wife when I have wronged her. Imagine this scenario: What if there had been an argument between us and I refuse to apologize and she also refuses to humble down and apologize. Can you imagine the disaster? Should we go on days not talking to one another? That is classic selfishness. Out giving here means it does not matter who is right or wrong, just apologize and grab a mocha latte. Sometimes I hear people say, “I’ll teach him/her a lesson on humility, He/she needs to be the first to apologize!” Do your part and leave him/her to do theirs. Do you realize that the receiving end is humbled when they realize they are wrong yet you did the first step to reconciliation? God is active in their hearts so don’t worry cause they accepted you as a husband/wife or a fiancé/fiancéé and not as a Savior.

Some older pals would tell me things will be different when the baby comes. It is no far from truth. And so that would mean my wife and I will both have to be doubly selfless when the time comes. You see I was told the same thing when I was about to get married. In fact before marriage we prepared for the worst. But because of understanding the importance of selflesness and demonstrating it to one another in small things and big things, I would say it has been a pretty funtastic ride.

For some of us reading this, maybe you are planning on getting married in the distant future or the near future. This might help.

Tick tock. Tick tock. Some of us hear this behind closed doors in our rooms. You might be getting anxious about it. Just remember if you get easily ticked and you can not hold your tact, then tick tock it is. You just can not marry if you are too selfish, self centered and self serving. Spare your partner in marrying a disaster. Selfishness can be a deep issue that can have a terrible repercussion. Unless you are a man, don’t twist the angles in your conscious time frame to make sure you will get there, that can be a mark of selfishness too.

If you are a student, enjoy your student life because it will prepare you for the life ahead. Do not be a damaged goods by the time you get there.

You might be asking where this might be coming from? Remember that no one in history has been successful in out giving God. Jesus laid down his life for everyone. That is an assurance that this will work. He has laid down the foundation for us—selflessness is out giving one another. Don’t feed on this Me world we are living in. Be different, be Christ like.

Marriage is not a breeze, it’s hard work. I am just plain blessed to have a wife who races with me in out loving and out giving one another. She usually wins and we both enjoy the prize.

One thought on “What I’ve learned from three years of marriage…

  1. now i have a glimpse of what marriage is all about…need to prepare my heart and i will let Jesus prepare my heart and mind for the next chapter of my life..soon to come..:)

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